By now all parents know that after the delivery room thrill is over, only then life really begins. In most cases a mother is the one caring for this tiny little human being who depends solely on her for everything and it's scary. After a while our maternal instinct naturally kicks in, well at least for most of us. At this point obviously, everything should be fine and dandy until the unexpected happens, yes the “unexpected”.
I will never forget that day, I took my daughter for a routine visit to the Pediatrician, I’m sure you know the drill, from waiting in the lobby, filling forms and all until you finally get to meet your child PCP. After what seemed like an endless wait, it was our turn. She started the usual checkup, then started to ask many questions by the time the visit was over I was shaken to my core. I got the news; my child had a developmental delay. I was so terrified and all i could ask was, how bad is it?
Although my daughter was only a few months old, her behavior has led her Pediatrician to come up with the diagnostic. She was trying to convince me that it may not be as bad I think but believe me, in that moment all I could hear was let’s say… nothing. To make a long story short, later on I learned that my baby was within the Autistic Spectrum. The shock! it was hard to believe. How could that possibly be?
Between finding the right school that was tailored to my daughter’s needs, therapy sessions and transportation arrangements, I was already burned out. Luckily, I was never shy to approach other parents who have been in similar situation and ask for tips. Trust me it helps!
Being a single mom and now having to care for a child with such a diagnostic was one of the greatest challenges I've ever had to take on. I felt guilty, angry, powerless and hopeless. While I try to seek the best care for my child, I often forgot about myself and there lies the greatest danger because I cannot care for my child if I’m not in good shape. When I say shape it’s way beyond the physical appearance. It’s the mental, spiritual and psychological aspect of it.
The mistake that most of us make is trying to justify our state of mind to people. Especially those who have never walked in our shoes and may never will. Personally, I’ve never had too many friends because I don’t believe I need more than one or two. Honestly nursing a baby while to trying to work and do everything else, don’t leave a parent much time to socialize, caring for a challenged or special need child is even harder. Don’t get me wrong I love my baby more than words can explain but raising a child on your own is an enormous task.
People who know me often ask; how do you keep your smile? Well it’s pretty simple, I smile for two reasons;
Here are some things I did that kept me from falling apart: I seek inner peace every day. I had to recognize that feeling guilty would not help in anything and free myself from it at once. I didn’t bring those challenges upon my child. Nevertheless, I needed to be strong. I had to remove anything that created a weakness in my life and guilt was one of them. Inner peace can be found in several ways. Some people choose yoga, prayers, physical activities like dance or different types of workout to help them burn any negative energy. Whether you like to enjoy a day at the spa or simply read a book, it’s important to create an escape “find your inner peace” which will take me to my next point; Have some “me” time. When dealing with all those trials, it’s more likely that your finance might not be at its strongest either. I’m just going to say it objectively, if you can’t go on vacation to a nice Resort it’s okay to hide in your room or your bathroom for a few minutes during the day when you feel like you’re about to collapse. It won’t make you bad parent, just make sure you take a book and some snacks with you. You will be surprised how recharged you feel afterwards. Find a Hobby. I know the first thing that will come to your mind is: she must be crazy, I don't even have time. No, I’m not crazy, look back up to the previous paragraph, remember? find your “me” time. Choose something you love and do it. How about you go on Youtube or other resources on the internet and learn a new DIY for example, something simple. Things that I had considered senseless and insignificant were what helped me achieve the balance I needed to continue living and help me face every day’s challenges. My child’s issues didn’t disappear, I just had to find new ways to deal with them and I believe it can work similarly for others as long as there is the will to give it a try. As women we are expected to be strong, being able take care of everything and everyone with no complaint, but who takes care of us? Well, we do, we take care of ourselves. A while ago, I was watching a movie and I remember one of the actors said, “selfish people live longer”. I laughed so hard but really, it’s true because and at the end, no one can take care of me better then I can because I know what it takes and what I need. The most wonderful thing about it is, once you find that balance and that inner peace no one can take them away from you. I became that woman who is now fighting her battles with a smile on her face and who has that enviable peace. Don’t get it twisted I’m far from being where I need to be but it’s a process and it’s achievable. Feel free to comment or share you story in the comments below.
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AuthorFrannie Clarke Archives
February 2019
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