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When I was growing up in the Caribbean, going to the doctor when you’re sick wasn’t always the easiest thing to do. Especially, when there was no health insurance in place, and for the less fortunate it was even harder. From birth to around ten years old, my parents lived up in the countryside where it was worst because culture made it very complicated. People would run to the Hougan (voodoo priest) 100 times faster than they would go to a hospital.
My family was really blessed to have my grandmother around, who knew a lot about herbs, roots and spices. I remember people used to come and brings their children to get healing potion from her and she never charged anyone a dime. She was genuinely happy to help and until today when I meet anyone from my city all I have to say is my grandma’s name for them to start telling me how amazing she was (bless her soul). For others healing was right in our kitchen.
Fast forwarding to 2012, I was diagnosed with Uterine Myoma (Uterine Fibroids). Unfortunately, the majority of black woman all over the world suffer or will suffer at some point in their lives from Uterine Fibroids. Woman of all ages are not exempt, back in 2014 the youngest patient was a 14-year-old girl.
For those of us who experience that disease, we know it can bring a lot of discomfort, excruciating pain, Hemorrhage, infertility or even more. Usually when I experience pain, I don’t like to take over the counter pain killers because of their disgusting side effects, such as nausea and dizziness. Honestly, I was raised using herbs and spices for relief or cure of most ailments that I have suffered and they have help tremendously. However, just like any other medicine, there are dos and don’ts. For example, if you are already following a regimen for any health condition, you should talk to your physician before starting any herbs and spices as they may counteract with the medication that you’re taking. If you are pregnant or breastfeeding, you should talk to your doctor as well as your child’s pediatrician prior to taking any tea or spices. 
How often do we hear women complaining about the fact that they are unable to meet Mr. Right , how they have reached a certain age and yet they are alone. For those who have a partner, he doesn't seem like he will ever propose. In addition our parents are pressuring us about grandchildren. It's a very difficult position to be in, especially when you know you have all the prerequisites to be the One. It's frustrating!
It's a real challenge hence, so many depression cases among woman. With all that being said, how single can a single be? I'm sure you're probably asking, what is she talking about. Well bare in mind that, although many people are single, they are still sexually active by one way or the other.
A few weeks ago I was chatting with a friend about that subject, she was complaining how she has not dated anyone for the past nine month. She is beautiful, educated and independent yet not One guy has asked her out. As we were discussing, she got a text message from a male friend. as she read the message she looked up at me and started to smile. Of course I was curious, she then said "girl it's on" I'm gonna say it raw; it was a booty call. Don't get me wrong, I was genuinely happy that she was gonna have some fun, but the point I'm making is that a couple of days later she was hurt. She has gone back to the guy's place and he was too busy with another woman to even answer his door, and had told her afterward like it was the most normal thing on earth.
Nowadays, almost every day we hear some sad stories about domestic violence happening everywhere and unfortunately a high percentage of them end up fatally.
For instance, yesterday one of my friends posted a picture of a beautiful young lady on her Facebook page with the caption; RIP. Later on I noticed there where more and more pictures of the same lady all over the social networks. Turned out that her husband for ten years had beaten her to death. Sad! I know from experience that this is a very sensitive subject and a lot of people don't like to talk about it either by fear of opening an old wound or just being in the middle of it. 
Photo credit: www.shaw.af.mil(U.S. Air Force photo illustration by Airman 1st Class Ashley L. Gardner/ Released)
It's a worldwide issue and has always been since the beginning of mankind. Whether you identify as a man, women, gay, straight or any other name group that you wish to identify as. Anywhere there is intimate relationship or simply relationship under the same roof there can be Domestic Violence.
According to the National Statistics Domestic Violence Fact Sheet, 1-4 women and 1 in 7 men or 24.36% woman and 13.8 men have been victim of (Severe) physical Violence by an intimate partner. As you have noticed I put the word Severe in brackets because I wanted to draw your attention to the fact that the numbers are way higher than reported due many who never get a chance to report the abuse they suffer, that slap that hair pulling or even worse. So many of us have suffered in silence for so long that it seems like Domestic Violence is the new norm.
One of the biggest mistakes a lot of us usually make is to think that Domestic Violence starts with the first time an intimate partner puts his hand on the other partner. Well as a Domestic Violence survivor I can tell you that such typical mindset is totally wrong. You don't just wake up one day and it just happens. Domestic Violence actually occurs over a period of time and it's intentional whether you're willing to accept it or not. Often times it may look like an obsessive love, possessiveness and or simple signs of jealousy.
The abuser already knows your weaknesses from the minute he started to court you, you just didn't know or did not pay attention. Whether it's emotional, financial or physical he is aware. Just like a hunter who watches his prey, he knows. He usually shows up as the help, the kindhearted one, that good Samaritan who's always ready to be there for you in order to gain your trust, because he knows that if he doesn't gain your trust he cannot hurt you. 
Personally, it started with the fact that my husband could not accept that I could do certain things by myself, his fear was that I would become independent one day. One evening as we had an argument, I remember him telling me; "you are nothing, you don't have a name, no rights, no money, nothing, I'm actually the one who's trying to help you become somebody". I could not believe my ears but unfortunately, he meant every word he said.
A caring husband is one thing but someone who's trying to make you dependent of him in order to make you vulnerable is a complete other thing. He will tell you how useless you are as often as he can and yet, if you come home one minute later than expected it's like the whole house was about to crash had you not shown up. Domestic Violence is also that fear he instills in you that makes you scared of expressing your feelings, scared when you hear that key turning in the door lock, that fear when your phone rings and your heart skips a beat, that fear of having everything you say used against you or taken out of context. The abuser's goal is to make you feel guilty of things that you haven't even thought of doing. Things like accusing us of having an affair with that imaginary man or woman is one of their favorite tactics to destabilize you. · Disrespect · Belittling · False accusation · Failure to provide for you and your children · Verbal abuse · Rape · Shaming to name a few... 
Actually, in many cases hitting or other physical damages are the last thing your abuser will do, because he knows that people will think of him as a bad person, while he is trying to make everyone think that he is the perfect partner.
Unfortunately, many countries don't have any support system in place when it comes Domestic Violence victims in fact ,some cultures actually condone it, it's a sign of virility and masculinity. However you must always remember an abusive relationship can only get worse. Some of us women believe that having a child with or marrying and abusive partner can change their behavior or make them better. Well I'm sorry to put it to your face but, you are entirely wrong, things can only get worse. Your best bet, or should I say your only bet is to get out and get out as fast as possible.
For those of us who've been there, we know getting out is not as easy as it sounds, Therefore, knowing the steps to take can make the process less difficult for you. The followings are a few among the guidelines you can use to help you make it. Always remember that:
Call the Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800 799 7233 The National Domestic Violence Hotline Resources: https://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/
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AuthorFrannie Clarke Archives
February 2019
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