We all know that family is the oldest institution of humanity and having a supportive family can be a real blessing. Whether you are part of a traditional or a modern one, the important things are the love and support family members can show to one another. The size of a family shouldn’t affect their ability to rely on one another.
Although they are bonded by blood, many families do not necessarily have that special tie and sometimes it can be hurtful. If we really look closely, family doesn’t only remain within the restricted spectrum of a husband, a wife and children it also stretches to in-laws and other relatives. Family members are not perfect, from the bougie aunt who thinks she has it all and look down at everyone to that little cousin who can’t seem to know how to stay out of jail, without forgetting the nephew who’s always as high as a kite. No matter their skin tone, level of education or their rank in society, they remain our family.
The differences we share can sometimes cause issues like jealousy, anger or even hatred. All those things that I just mentioned can be ignored when it’s not within the immediate family. For example; if you know you don’t come along with a relative you can simply skip that thanksgiving dinner or simply don’t answer their phone calls until you feel comfortable to settle your differences.
Sadly enough, rivalry doesn’t only exist between distant relatives it can right in our homes and it’s one of the the biggest nightmare we could endure. Parents often become jealous at their children or simply see them as a menace or vice versa. I remember hearing several accounts of parents hurting their children, back in 2010 The Daily Mail reported the case of mother who cooked her month-old baby in the oven. Since then, many other cases have surfaced. For most parents it’s unthinkable but the it’s a real issue and it’s more widespread than you think. Jealousy usually arises when one parent show more attention to a child or children then the other partner thus, the parent considers his her or her own child to be a threat.
Many of us have suffered from this issue and we sometimes wonder what we have done to cause such hate in our parents. One of my close friends whom I will not mention her name to protect her privacy, has gone through this issue. As a child, she was very close to her father and shared so many happy memories, to use her own words; he was her idol, her superhero. As she started elementary school, she noticed that things were changing between her and her father. He was very abusive towards her, he would use the harshest way to discipline to the point of cause several visits to the emergency room. She was really confused as she could not understand what she was doing wrong. My friend was a straight A student and therefore got a lot of attention from teachers and other school personnel. When she turned ten years old, the abuse had gotten so out of hands that she had go to live with one her aunts.
Years have passed, and things have not gotten any better between them, she spent 20 years angry and didn’t talk to him not even once. But then after losing a friend, she had a sudden change of mind, she wants to forgive him, and she has tried getting in contact with but unfortunately all he did was criticizing her in front of people to justify his behavior. He was unapologetic. How do you continue to love that parent or family member who seems to hate you with every breath he takes? It’s hard task. We talk to many times about it, and we got to share our experiences that were pretty similar. Forgiving someone doesn’t mean that she or she deserves it. It’s simply the best thing to do because hate is a killer and it will cause you more harm then the person you hate. We can’t progress while dealing with hate, it’s a heavy burden. Sometimes the best thing to do is to just love at a distance, love has no boundaries there you don’t need to share the same home state of mind with someone to show him /her love and compassion. After hours of chatting and sharing, my friend has started to help her dad without him knowing it and she continues to pray for a change of heart on his part. At the end of the day, what really counts is that we try and the only way to be totally liberated is by learning how to love unconditionally.
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AuthorFrannie Clarke Archives
February 2019
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